You know what’s a damn hard game when you’re in a wheelchair?
Hide and seek.
Forget how hard it is to hide something big and wheeled, just think if you were the seeker and everyone hid upstairs (How case-sensitive are we on this site? (Can I post the Family Guy Helen-Keller-playing-marco-polo-with-Stewie clip or what)?
Both parts are hard. But what I’m really getting at is this.
Halloween is right around the – ok, you know what? It’s in two days, people. Chop chop. Let’s discuss how you’re going to turn your chair into chariots of horror.
Me, I’m not too shabby when it comes to creative costume design. Check out my portfolio:
Yes. Yes, that is correct. That is me with a horse head wearing armor accompanied by my amazing father clopping coconut shells like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail at the Maryland Renaissance Festival. We were number one on Reddit for a good six hours. Deserved.
This year, I am being a sled dog team. You know, like the one Balto was a part of. I’m attaching sticks in front of my car (my term for chair), tying on stuffed huskies, hanging a lantern from the back, latching in a crate of diphtheria antitoxin in the front, and mushing off with my whip and brown bowler hat.
I’ll keep you posted.
The real story of Balto, a tale I used to get up in the middle of the night and pop in my VHS tape to recant, is amazing (groans from history-haters and those familiar with Shea). During the winter of 1925, nearly all the children of Nome, Alaska contracted deadly diphtheria. The nearest serum was in Anchorage, Alaska and the train tracks were frozen, the weather too unforgiving for immature aircraft to endure. Dog teams were deemed the fastest transport and Balto was in the last team. A horrible whiteout caused his musher to become disoriented, unable to see, but Balto used his sense of smell and instinct to almost single-handedly lead the medicine to Nome, saving hundreds.
‘Fraid my dog Max might not lead me with such precision if food or b-a-l-l was involved.
Cripple costumes are all about surprise. Ingenuity that raises eyebrows just a millisecond before it reels a smile. Now, I was joking with my arrogance up there. Not sure I could ever call my makeshift homemade getups genius but they are fun and that’s more than enough for me. The most important thing to understand is that it’s not the overall product of the costume you end up with that makes the impression, it’s the fact that you thought of it. You had the humor and self-confidence and capacity to do something so funny, scary or clever that it’s more awesome than anything someone could pull off on two legs.
Happy Halloween, all. I wholeheartedly encourage everyone to get in the spirit and dress up. Have fun. Get spooked. Go boo. It only comes once a year. Unless you’re Danielle Radcliffe. For him it comes 366 days out of the year.
At the end of the day, however you decide to celebrate, however bravely and boldly you decide to dress up yourself or your chair, remember this. It is not the costume they will be admiring. It is you.
(Wow. That was lame).