These words don’t even begin to describe–much less encapsulate–the chronic pain symptoms that gnaw away at my right leg.
My body has decided to make a long-term commitment with the Pain Monster. We’re not talking mere seconds, minutes, hours, days or weeks. I’ve been dealing with him for y-e-a-r-s. Lucky me? Right.
My relationship with the Pain Monster doesn’t fit into a tidy neat little box. You see, I was in a motor vehicle accident at age nine. During which time, a car came smashing into my passenger side door. My right leg has never been the same ever since. Moreover, if you look carefully, my right leg isn’t shaped correctly. My kneecap has a history of going pop, pop, pop. The icing on top of my cake is arthritis and osteopenia. I’m really quite a medical catch at 34.
For the most part, the Pain Monster is ruthless. He doesn’t care if you have an event-of-a-lifetime to attend to. You’re at his mercy when he strikes. Even when you relent, and lie perfectly still in bed, the slightest movement by someone else is agonizing. I’ve seriously contemplated pulling out my red highlighted hair by its roots. Never did work up the guts to do so. One word: Ouch.
I think the worst part about the Pain Monster is that he’s invisible. The average bubblehead, Jane, can’t even begin to comprehend the battle I go through. In the past, I’ve been considered stuck up for not quickly accepting all social invitations.
My symptoms are becoming more and more apparent now. Perhaps, this is because I’m more vocal about them. There’s no more denying my ability to walk when there’s a wheelchair smack dab in your face. My emergency use bedpan–thank goodness its pink—Is on call whenever I need it. My hot pink underarm crutches shock your senses.
Rather than continuing to declare war on the Pain Monster, I’ve learned how to prepare for his arrival. I’m armed with megawatt pain patches and breakthrough pain meds. I work even harder as a writer making sure I meet all deadlines in advance. Most importantly, I’ve overcome him psychologically. I cope with him via positive thoughts.
I know this may sound weird, but it really works. I literally imagine myself in a sandalwood tree-lined forest wrapped with warmth and lots of sunlight. I concentrate on the sounds of the chirping birds. I try my best to ignore the burning zaps made by the Pain Monster on my right leg. This mind over matter dance doesn’t erode my symptoms, but it helps me deal with them. I’ve also learned to overcome the Pain Monster’s might through escape. I depart to new worlds through my creative writing.
I’ve chosen to go on with my life. I don’t let anything stop me. I’m conquering the world one word at a time and living with the Pain Monster who quietly hovers over my right side. I’m a winner through and through.
The Original “DitzAbled Princess”
Jewel Kats xoxo