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How To Hit On Someone In A Wheelchair

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The average person gets a little confused when they find themselves attracted to someone in a wheelchair.  Not everybody feels this way, but it is the most common response.

No one wants to be the guy at the water cooler that says, “Yeah man, I’m dating this super hot girl in a wheelchair.” So they brush off the attraction and move on.

I say whatever to this. People need to stop being so scared of what other people are going to think of them and just go for their gut.  Not everybody is a scardy-cat though.

Maybe you’re the kind of person who doesn’t care, and you’ve met someone who just happens to be in a wheelchair you’d like to put the moves on. If this is you, bravo. This list is for you. Read on for the best ways to hit on someone in a wheelchair.

Whatever you do, please don’t reference the wheelchair.

If you’re able-bodied and have never spent a lot of time around people who use wheelchairs before, chances are the wheelchair may make you feel a little uncomfortable despite the fact you’re attracted to the person in it.  And that’s ok. It’s human nature, but it doesn’t mean you have to verbalize what you’re feeling and bring up the wheelchair in every other sentence.

Related: Don’t Count Us Out: People with Disabilities Love Sex Too

For example, when hitting on someone in a wheelchair, don’t say “Hey hot wheels” or blurt out, “Can I have a ride?” Talk about anything but the wheelchair, I beg you. Unless of course you’re planning a date and accessibility needs to be discussed.  Asking the person details regarding their disability should eventually happen but it should wait until the second date at least.

Smile, we won’t get offended.

As a woman who’s used a wheelchair through her “best-looking” years (and hopefully many more to come) – teens, twenties and now thirties – I’ve personally experienced many painful attempts of men trying to hit on me. Some don’t hit on me and are too shy and look away. Others meanwhile will just look at me like a deer in the headlights, not giving me anything at all when it comes to visual cues.

If you’re trying to hit on someone who uses a wheelchair, one of the easiest ways to get someone to soften to your soon-to-be-happening advances is to always smile first.  Really, it’s just that simple, especially when hitting on a complete stranger.  I often get a lot of people looking at me because of my disability. A good way to differentiate yourself from these people is to always flash a flirty smile so we know you’re not another gawker. You’ll be amazed at how far it can get you.

Don’t assume we’re lonely.

Also when going in for the kill, don’t assume we’re desperate or lonely and will instantly jump at your advances.  I’ve encountered some really offensive people who say they “like me,” yet show they have no respect for me by making it very clear they think they’re my romantic savior because of my “limited options.” If you want to offend someone in a wheelchair real quick, this is how to do it.  Many of us are just as picky as you because we have to be.

Compliments will get you everywhere.

When putting the moves on, a compliment can be one of the best pick-up lines.  Everybody wants to hear something positive about themselves, especially people with disabilities, as we tend to get hard on ourselves about our physical problems.  If someone interested in us gives us some nice compliments, you can bet our ears will perk up.  Just please make sure your compliments are genuine.

You may have to make the first move.

People with disabilities tend to be more shy than the average person, which means chances are, you will have to put on the first moves if you’re interested.  Many of us wrongly assume that most people who see us on the street won’t be interested, so we carry on doing our thing, not thinking about possible attractions. If you’re seriously interested in someone with a disability, you may just have to suck it in and do your thing to get our attention. But don’t worry, we don’t bite.

Don’t be weird.

And if at all possible, please don’t be a weirdo.  I’ve been hit on so many crazies I can’t even count anymore and it’ all because of the wheelchair. Just because we understand pain doesn’t mean we want to hear your life story right from the get-go.  We need time to warm up to you as well.  We may be a wheelchair-user but it doesn’t mean we’re immune to weirdness.  Remember this.

The art of hitting on someone is definitely an acquired skill.  If you’re serious about putting the moves on someone with a disability , it’s worth learning, especially in this impersonal age of texting and emailing.  A little old fashioned romance is always a good thing, and create lots of romantic opportunities.

If you have any more questions on how to hit on someone who uses a wheelchair, feel free to email me at tiffinycarlson@gmail.com

How do you like to get hit on as someone with a disability?

More From This Author: 10 Things Every Person with a Disability Should Hear

See Also: How Does Society Perceive People In Wheelchairs?

Read More: People With Paralysis Unite: We Want More Than Equality, We Want A Cure

5 Comments


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About Tiffiny Carlson

Tiffiny Carlson is a writer and quadriplegic from Minneapolis. She has a C6 spinal cord injury from a diving accident when she was 14 years old. Writing and breaking stereotypes is her passion. She's been the SCI Life columnist for New Mobility magazine since 2003 and is the founder of the longtime disability site, BeautyAbility.com. Her work has also been featured in Penthouse, Playgirl and Nerve.com. And when she's not writing, Tiffiny loves to cook and practice adaptive yoga.


5 Responses

  1. avatar michele k says:

    I think the majority of tips are great advice but I wonder about the opening paragraphs

    “The average person gets a little confused when they find themselves attracted to someone in a wheelchair. Not everybody feels this way, but it is the most common response. No one wants to be the guy at the water cooler that says, “Yeah man, I’m dating this super hot girl in a wheelchair.” So they brush off the attraction and move on.”

    *blinks* what? I am well aware there is a level of discrimination that we face on a daily basis in multiple aspects of our lives (including dating) but I’ve never heard people being confused by their attraction to a person in a wheelchair. It’s not like it’s another sexual orientation.

  2. [...] Carlson shared with The Mobility Resource readers some good advice on How To Hit on Someone in a Wheelchair. But what if you’re the one using a [...]

  3. [...] How To Hit On Someone In A Wheelchair photo credit [...]

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